“Be still and know that I am God.”
Those words have always sounded beautiful to me, but living them out has been one of my greatest struggles.
At the very beginning of our trial, multiple close friends gently told me, “I feel like God wants you to rest in Him.”
But resting was the last thing I felt capable of. My mind was racing, my heart was fighting, and I felt an overwhelming pressure to do everything in my power—like stillness meant I was somehow failing.
Eventually, I reached the point where I had no strength left. And in that place of exhaustion and surrender, I whispered:
“Please God… let me rest in You. I surrender it all. Move the mountains only You can move.”
What I didn’t understand back then is that rest doesn’t mean giving up.
Rest means praying with open hands.
Rest means trusting Him to fight the battles you can’t.
Rest means preparing your heart for the miracle you’re waiting for.
Rest means surrender—not just surrendering yourself, but your situation. For me, that meant surrendering my daughter.
The battle didn’t magically get easier, but in the midst of it, I began to find pockets of peace. Nights where sleep finally came. A deep comfort knowing He was working in all the places I could not reach. He was fighting for us long before I ever knew how to rest. Even when I couldn’t see the work He was doing, He was still working.
Hindsight is 20/20, right?
We are now 27 months into this battle, and her tumor has shrunk by 70%. If I had known this is where the road would lead, wouldn’t it have been so much easier to rest in the beginning?
But in my heart, I know this: every sleepless night, every moment of fear, every whispered surrender has built my trust in Him in a way I never could have known if I had simply been shown the outcome. Sometimes the only way to deeper faith is through the very valley we beg God to spare us from.
And sometimes it takes time to get there—but I pray you find a place where you can also rest in Him.
Come to Him when you are weary and burdened, and He will give you rest. Matthew 11:28